Divided In Righteousness – Reflections on Courageous Conversations

Social norms had conditioned me to rote mindless greetings limited to hello or hi, but lately, I’ve been called to address people in strange new ways that seem to lure their hearts closer to me.

Often times for my family and most intimate, I greet them with “hello, my love”, but I have found recently that I use that phrase for casual friends as well, especially those who I sense needing to be held emotionally in difficult times. I’ve found myself using phrases such as “hello, my beloved friend” to declare importance, “hello, my sister queen/brother king/royal kin” to invoke inner power, “hello, my lovelies” as a gentle reminder of beauty, and “hello, my radiant beings” to awaken soulful depth.  I don’t think ahead on these greetings, as that would be insincere; rather, with deep presence, I feel into the whispers of the moment.

Of course, I recognize that in certain spaces, especially the workplace, these types of statements would be awkward at best and unacceptable for many.  In those spaces, I still feel into the whispers and instead greet with their name or a “hello friends” to a group.  The reason I do this for myself is because I want to stay centered in our shared humanity at all times, especially with people who feel difficult to me in their behaviors, values, and belief systems.

When I can stay centered in shared humanity, a space of compassion opens so that I can place whatever may be said that feels disagreeable to my mind in context of the other person’s potential experience of reality.  I can sense the suffering that has hardened hearts, illusions that formed fixed beliefs, generational trauma affecting nervous systems, and conditioned reactions meant to protect.  I may not know the specifics of their lives, but I can feel the shroud of oppression ensnaring their raw essence.  And for their lived human experience of suffering, I can have genuine compassion because I too have this shroud, though I sense it unraveling each day through my own practices of loving awareness.

What I have found is, within this orientation, an opening is created – a portal into greater depths of connection.  For some, the light of this opening feels like a long awaited invitation; for others, it feels too intense and they retreat into their known defenses of safety, and for many, it evokes something so uncomfortable within themselves that it elicits reactions of lashing out.  Within this space, when I can sit with the discomfort, as a leader, I am able to welcome all responses because the important intention for me is that connection sourced from depth is stirred.  How others process these invitations, I can not control, and so I practice letting go of any expected outcomes with love, trusting their journey.

I share the importance of developing our capacity to move from being reactive to responsive.  And while my teachings are authentic, what I don’t often share is that what lies deeper for me is a practice of grounding all conversations with anyone in what I call divine love.  Even through the most challenging discourse, when I ground my being in love, then I can intuit the calling for that moment, whether it is empathetic listening, heartfelt compassion, candid feedback, or playful curiosity.  I don’t seek to win, rather I seek to keep the space open, allowing an intuitive response to the moment to emerge.

In my past teachings, I have also often mentioned that most of communication is non-verbal.  If you look up the research, there is a lot of debate around the truth of that statement.  And if we were to look at communication only on the physical and mental plane, then I admit that the statement devalues the power of our words.

But what if we were to believe that we are spiritual beings in a human form?  How would that change the validity of the statement that most of communication is non-verbal?  While I am not here to convince you, I invite you to consider that perhaps the majority of the communication that is happening is at the level of energy conveyed through subtle emotions.  What I sense at this level is that communication is not of the order of mental facts and analysis, rather it speaks to our emotional needs of safety, belonging, worth, purpose, and love.

This is where a leap of faith is proposed.  If this were indeed a possibility, then it would change our every interaction with anyone, especially those who differ from us.  What becomes important on this level is that we are communicating from the highest energetic frequency possible, divine love.  From this centering, we can layer on top anything that is needed in the moment that mentally meets people where they are at, whether that is data, stories, insights, questions, or even humor.

I sense that this type of energetic communication is at the foundation of creating the unity that many of us leaders are working so hard to foster in our workplaces, communities, and society.  It’s this sense that inspired my poem Divided in Righteousness.

Divided in Righteousness

Immense sadness floods this tender heart
The world feels too divided in “righteousness”
Systems and beliefs too enmeshed to unravel

Berating voices flood this weary reeling mind
Raging with judgment of perceived injustice
Questioning if idyllic oneness is even possible

The mind deems itself impotent to influence
Motivation lulling into lifeless complacency
Drawn to escape into numbing distractions

But when the heart lovingly stays with this pain
Asking it gently for the deeper message it carries
Pain responds desiring fervent compassion for it all

Feeling for the soft wounded hearts behind the anger
Sensing pervasive ignorance obscuring clear perception
Understanding misguided reactions meant to protect

From this vulnerable heart space comes an invitation
A humble call to movement deeply rooted in divine love
Trusting that the next step is fully supported and enough

-Tejal Tarro

I get how challenging it may feel to trust in a power that cannot be seen – to trust in a power that can only make an impact if a critical mass of leaders commit to this shift.  I also empathize with how difficult it can be to operate differently, to challenge not only your own deeply conditioned behaviors but also the norms of how society predominantly operates.  I know because I am still practicing this shift in my own life, but as the poem says, all we need to do is trust that the next step (and the next, and the next…) is fully supported and enough.